If you had a weird rash, you’d go see a dermatologist… right?!

I feel such a mixture of puzzlement and sadness whenever I think about our country’s minimization of mental healthcare.  It’s funny (but no one’s really laughing here…) because so many of us are self-proclaimed “health nuts” who value wellness and want to live happy, fulfilling lives.  However, the reality is that many people, somewhere along the way (probably early in life), learned that when you feel a certain type of way, you “should” be able to change it or simply will yourself to feel differently.  And if you aren’t able to do that, you must not be “strong enough,” right? If you can’t just flip the figurative “switch” in your own brain and motivate yourself out of a difficult emotion, something is “wrong” with you, according to this belief system.  We therapists are here to remind people how warped and self-destructive that view can be. Let me explain…

When someone has a heart disease, you don’t say to them, “just stop having heart disease!” If you did, they’d either call your bullshit or, if they were a little more trusting initially, they’d sure find out pretty quickly that your advice is bogus! Without a real understanding of the healthy lifestyle choices and behavior changes necessary to improve cardiovascular health, a person cannot heal.  That’s why cardiologists exist. Sometimes, something more is required, maybe a medication or medical intervention.  Without the open-mindedness to see that something needs changing and the willingness to do what it takes to change it, we cannot heal.

Of course, we like to convince ourselves otherwise because change is uncomfortable.  But the discomfort of facing the pain is usually nothing compared to the fancy mental tricks we play on ourselves to try to avoid facing the pain. I’ll be writing more about this in a future post, on the ACT concept called “experiential avoidance,” but it pretty much goes like this: If I have a toothache and I don’t go to the dentist because I’m afraid of the pain that might come with the drill, I’ll have a toothache indefinitely… and it probably will end up getting worse and causing more problems down the road. Plus, on top of having the tooth pain, I’ll also have the fears and worries that come along with ignoring it. So not only have I not “solved” the problem of my toothache, I have also made the problem a bigger and more central part of my daily life.

Pretending something doesn’t exist has never worked out when it comes to our health, whether physical, mental, or spiritual. Let’s make it okay to seek treatment.

The Mental Health Association of Greater Chicago (MHAGC) is an organization that basically counteracts the logic of “just get over it” by raising awareness of mental health conditions and working to decrease stigma.  I think what’s coolest about MHAGC is that they intervene early with 9th graders to help educate them on mental health at the same time they are learning about physical health in school. I hope this will help reduce bullying in high schools by making kids more sensitive to mental health issues.  I also believe learning about conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders can teach kids to recognize when they themselves might be struggling, and make it okay to seek help.  MHAGC’s first-annual “Breakfast with the Stars” will be held on Wednesday, November 11, 2015, Veteran’s Day.  To learn more about their powerful initiatives, or make a donation, visit http://www.mentalhealthchicago.org/mhagc/

Don’t you wish you had learned as a child that it’s normal and human to experience emotional pain, and that if it becomes overwhelming, you don’t have to go through the pain alone? I know I do.

If you are struggling or if someone you know is struggling, please visit the pages on this website to learn more about my practice and who I treat.

Being Vulnerable (yuuuughh) AKA Why I’m starting to blog

Do you ever enjoy something so much, even though it simultaneously has components of it that SUCK? Sometimes there’s just no way around it. That’s how I feel about writing… and about doing therapy.

As a human being, I’ve learned time and time again that it’s both terrifying and profoundly rewarding to expose one’s most authentic self. Sharing who you really are can make you want to crap yourself with fear. I have always found writing my thoughts down to be calming and freeing; however, having other people see my inner reflections scares me shitless. So why am I doing it?

One of the coolest part of my job as a psychologist is that I get to help people practice being real (of course, I generally don’t lead with the “wanting to crap yourself” metaphor). I get to witness the healing and cathartic benefits that result from a trusting environment.  Sometimes, that means getting people to cry who, for whatever reason, don’t want to let themselves. Sometimes, it’s helping them tap into their innermost demons, shine light on their darkest shadows of fear and pain, the things that keep them awake at night or cause them to binge-eat chips from the bag or drink too many beers. The things that make them lash out at or withdraw from the people they love. For better or worse, the inner demons don’t usually go away without us having to watch them bear their fangs at some point. Helping people feel brave enough to do this is, hands down, my favorite part of my work… but I also hate it because I KNOW how much it SUCKS in the moment. Confronting the shame in myself is also the most difficult part of the job… but it’s also the ONLY way to be an effective therapist. Like in any profession, it can be incredibly tough to practice what we preach. Call me cheesy… but I believe that’s how we know it’s something worth doing.

That’s why I’m starting this blog, despite feeling terrified of all the haters out there in the world and on the Internet who might read it and think I’m a fool or what not. Or worse, how silly I feel thinking my blog would even attract haters who cared enough to have an opinion!

I think we are all spiritually thirsty and blowing in the wind.  I hope you’ll join me as I regularly reflect on being human, having feelings, and living a rich and rewarding and wonderfully messy life.

Feel free to comment… what’s something you find worthwhile, even if it makes want to crap yourself with fear?

Welcome to my practice!

Mindfulness means purposefully paying attention- without judgment- to what’s happening in the present moment, according to Jon Kabat-Zinn, a psychologist who developed Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction.  What I love about this definition is that it encompasses what Kabat-Zinn calls the full catastrophe of life. We tend to focus on the stuff we want to change, ruminate on the past, or anticipate the future. Many of us have a hard time slowing down and taking it one breath at a time.  Life involves the full catastrophe of experiences… it’s sometimes hard, sometimes easy, sometimes fun, sometimes painful… it’s oftentimes all of these adjectives rolled into one experience.  And it’s easy to get stuck in the rough patches.
Do you ever feel like a hamster in one of those silly wire hamster wheels, constantly running and watching the wheel spin faster, yet feeling stuck and unsatisfied? I know how overwhelming it feels to get lost in life’s messy complexities. It’s easy to forget that we humans are strong, brave, and resilient beings, capable of growth and change. When we get caught up looking for answers and solutions, we feel hopeless. I will join you in facing the challenge of letting go of the search for “answers,” in favor of finding freedom and fulfillment in life.
I am warm and authentic, and I treat you as the expert on yourself. I’ll meet you with curiosity and compassion. My style is integrative, and I am intentional about determining the best fit for your unique needs. My philosophy is rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
I’m not one to sugarcoat, nor will I minimize your challenges. I hope to help you tune into yourself, and live a fulfilling, enriching, and meaningful life.
Check out the pages above to learn more about me and the services I provide.  Whether you are looking for individual therapy, group support, or testing and evaluation to confirm a diagnosis or get accommodations for a disability, I am here to help you move towards greater health and balance.
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/248977