Demystifying Mental Health Treatment: How long will I need therapy?

It’s the start of a new year, and while you don’t need the calendar to tell you when to make a change, the whole #resolutions thing makes it a convenient time for many to reflect on goals for themselves in the upcoming year and start taking action steps. My #resolution is to do my part to bust myths around mental health treatment, so that nobody has to feel embarrassed or judged for struggling. To get things going, I’ve decided to start off 2018 with a series of posts demystifying the process of therapy. I’ve noticed that many people considering therapy have the same questions and concerns about the process. Today, I’ll address the one I most frequently get: how long will this take?

Well… at the risk of sounding wishy-washy, the truth is that it’s different for everyone. People seek therapy for various reasons, so treatment is not “one size fits all.” Some people are struggling emotionally with things like depression, anxiety, or grief, or having difficulty coping with a past trauma, navigating a difficult relationship, or managing self-criticism. Others may be struggling to stop engaging in certain behaviors, like addiction, substance abuse, compulsive behaviors, or unhealthy eating and exercise habits. Some people may be looking for help adjusting to a major life change or while going through a life transition (such as graduating from college, starting a new job, getting fired, going through divorce, moving to a new city, grieving for a loved one, or having a child). The list could keep going on—humans are complex and messy, and so it is natural at some point in our lives to experience a disruption to our mental health, just like it’s natural to get sick or injured physically at some point.

I suspect that the reason this question is so common is that we like to know what we’re getting ourselves into. Totally fair. Humans are wired to solve problems. When something is bugging us, we want to figure it out right away so that we can fix it and move on. If you’re coming to therapy, you might have been experiencing difficulties for a long time and are finally ready to commit towards change and growth. Or, maybe something just recently popped up, and you want to “fix it” before things get worse. Either way, you probably want some instant gratification. So even though I can’t give you a straight answer about how long it will take, I can do my best to help you get some immediate relief, as soon as the very first session. In fact, it’s a good rule of thumb when you’re looking for a therapist to consider when you walk out of the first session whether or not you feel understood, supported, and hopeful about the possibility of change (even if you don’t feel “better” right away).

Research over the last several decades has shown that therapy has the best chance of being “successful” when the client and therapist have a strong rapport, or therapeutic alliance. Rapport is developed when the therapist and client build trust in one another and work as a collaborative team. Most people need a little while before they are comfortable opening up. However, if you’ve been going to your therapist for awhile and still don’t trust them, this is important to address. I’ll be writing a future post about what to do if therapy isn’t helping you or if you want to break up with your therapist, so stay tuned for more on that later. In the meantime, just know that the sooner you and your therapist form a connection, the sooner you can get to work.

The length of therapy also can depend on how long you’ve been struggling with certain behaviors or experiencing symptoms, how motivated you are to change, the approach your therapist is using, and how open you are to trying new and sometimes difficult things. I often will suggest something many times, over the course of weeks or even months, before a client is willing to give it a try, and that’s okay. We can’t force change—you have to be ready for it when you’re ready for it. So that might take a degree of patience from both of us. Plus, it sometimes takes a lot of repetition before something finally “clicks,” since therapy involves shifting belief systems and worldviews that have been in place for many years. I like to tell people, “you didn’t get this way overnight, so you won’t change overnight either.” If you’re trying to change a lifelong habit, it can take some time to start seeing results because the habit might be really deeply ingrained, and you may not have ever really used other tools (or even known there were other tools available) for dealing with certain experiences. That being said, just because someone has been stuck in a certain pattern for 10 or 20 years does not mean it will take 10 or 20 years to change it. Just don’t expect to break longstanding habits in one session. If you find yourself feeling impatient with the pace of change, speak up. Therapists are not mind readers and if we know you’re feeling frustrated then we can figure out how to get “unstuck” and moving again.

Sometimes, we are chugging along nicely, and then – surprise – life drops a metaphorical bomb. Unexpected stressors can barge in (a breakup, a medical diagnosis, an accident, etc.) and interrupt progress or take priority over whatever we had originally been working on. That might mean we shift course and then return to the original plan at a later time (or abandon the original plan if necessary). It’s important to stay flexible as we go along. I’ve also found that as we progress, we sometimes uncover or make room for other topics to address that weren’t the original reasons for seeking therapy but that are still worth focusing on. For example, maybe you came in to treat your anxiety, but along the way we realize that most of your anxiety is work-related and it’s because you’re in a work environment that just isn’t right for you, so we start to explore a job change. Or, once we’ve helped you resolve depressive symptoms, we start to look at an unhealthy romantic relationship that you weren’t ready to address before.

If you’re dealing with trauma or grieving for a loss, the change may be slower than you’d like it to be, since the healing process often involves feeling an increase in pain or discomfort before experiencing any decreases. If you’re dealing with symptoms of an eating disorder, phobia, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, you also might notice symptoms worsening before they improve, because a component of treatment involves exposure to things that you prefer to avoid in order to get you more comfortable with anxiety “triggers.” This is often a very challenging and stressful process, but ultimately if you stick with it, you will find relief in the long run.

Typically, I like to start off meeting once weekly, and then scale down and meet less frequently as treatment progresses and you start to see change, to give you a chance to try things on your own. Occasionally, we may increase frequency to twice-weekly sessions for a brief period of time in situations where a person needs more support than once-weekly sessions can provide, and there are many clinicians who will meet two, three, or even four times weekly with their clients (this is not my policy). In the initial session, we can get a sense of what’s going on and what level of support would be best, and if you need more than what I am able to provide in a private practice (such as inpatient/ residential treatment or intensive outpatient treatment), I will refer you elsewhere. While it’s important to consider your unique situation when making decisions about how frequently to meet, I have generally found that people who commit to coming in regularly and making it a priority to stick with therapy have seen the fastest change.

Now, I don’t take it personally that you might not want to see me every week forever and ever. In fact, I have the opposite perspective. I don’t want my clients to have to come any longer than necessary. Once you’ve reached your treatment goals, we discuss whether anything new needs our attention, and if not, we decide that it’s time to say goodbye. My goal is to essentially make you into your own therapist, so that you can internalize our work and go about your merry way. As much as I love working with my clients, I also love sending them off into the world to spread their wings! That being said, in times of high stress, it’s not uncommon to slip back into old habits or patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving. So my door is always open for a “booster” session down the road, even if we haven’t worked together in awhile.

Some clear outcomes of therapy include:

  • Developing skills for effective communication and problem-solving
  • Feeling more self-confident and becoming more compassionate towards yourself and others
  • Learning new ways to cope with stress and anxiety
  • Becoming more equipped to manage and regulate your mood
  • Improving your social, intimate partner relations, and family relationships
  • Changing old behavior patterns and developing new ones
  • Gaining self-awareness and a better understanding of your values

The start of a new year is the perfect time to begin making changes to enhance your life, and therapy might be part of the plan.

If you are considering therapy and want to know more, or if you have a question about how therapy works and would like to see a future post about it, comment in the section below or send me an email, drpaulafreedman@gmail.com.

Book Review: “I’m Fine… and Other Lies” by Whitney Cummings

Reading tends to be very “all or nothing” for me—I’m either totally consumed, turning pages for hours on end and ignoring the world around me and internal cues for food or sleep until I’m done, or I’m noncommittal, absent-mindedly skimming paragraphs until I inevitably abandon it to collect dust on my nightstand with all of the other “I’ve been meaning to finish that!” novels. To me, the sign of a good book is not “I can’t put it down until I KNOW what happens!” and it’s not “I’ll finish it eventually, if I have the time.” It’s that healthy middle ground, much like romantic relationships. Neither codependence (“I can’t live without you!”) nor too much independence (“I’m not even interested in connecting with you”) is consistently satisfying.

Perhaps you’ll find it ironic that I was able to enjoy a book about codependency while (for once) maintaining my healthy dependence and independence needs. As a story, it contained just enough psych-y content to appeal to my inner nerd, and just enough comedy to appeal to my inner self-care coach. It was engaging, satisfying, but not so consuming that I lost all ability to stay connected to my own priorities and identity. As far as book-relationships go, “I’m Fine” quickly became a lasting, rewarding love. So I wanted to share the love, by writing my first-ever book review. Here goes!

In case you’re not familiar with her work, Whitney Cummings writes, produces, and does stand-up comedy.  I’ve been a big fan of hers for several years. What’s always endeared her to me is her tendency to “plug” therapy (thanks for the free marketing, girl!) and to use humor as a way of coping with the dysfunctions of the human condition.

A lot of memoir-type books I’ve read have bugged me (and ended up as ex-lovers in the dusty nightstand pile) because the author tries too hard to sound self-actualized, taking on an annoying “wannabe-wise” tone in an effort to artfully conclude the general storyline of “I used to be naïve in how I handled life, and then I overcame some challenges.” Whitney writes like she’s in her 30s, and she is in her 30s. She’s not pretending like she’s 80 years old and has it all figured out, nor is she dwelling in adolescent insecurities. She takes semi-frequent breaks from her “I used to be so clueless” shtick to actually give herself credit for the growth and insights she has worked to gain, but she doesn’t succumb to the urge to tie it up neatly with a happily-ever-after type ending.

Whitney (I can’t bring myself to get formal and call her Ms. Cummings, sorry) demonstrates what happens when someone moves from being a blind, passive recipient of life experiences to being a self-aware, active shaper of her own reality through intentional choices. As a psychologist, I am grateful for her honest account of her experiences with several types of therapies. She also admits several times that she often rejected an idea or treatment approach (especially in her adolescence and early 20’s) because she wasn’t yet ready to have her defenses challenged. THANK YOU FOR OWNING THIS! I get so irritated when people say, “I tried therapy, but it didn’t work for me.” People, it works if you work it! So if someone’s in denial, nothing’s gonna change. Psychologists aren’t psychics or magicians. Though Whitney has apparently tried her hand at consulting psychics and magicians, too, which made for some fascinating early chapters. Anyway, I digress.

I also enjoyed her evaluations of what worked and didn’t work for her in the process of healing from various hurts. After all, mental health treatment is not one-size-fits-all. There are so many theoretical models and approaches out there. Vera, the therapist with whom she ended up finally forming a meaningful therapeutic relationship, sounded like a total badass; she was clinically well-versed, and fluent in Whitney’s language, helping her recognize the “addictive” patterns of her codependency and eating disorders.

Self-acceptance is a major theme in “I’m Fine.” Whitney’s exploration of how she developed and then healed from an eating disorder will hopefully shed light on an often-misunderstood constellation of symptoms, and the unhelpful thinking and mixed messages that are so easily internalized. Her honesty about struggles with “ED” is beyond refreshing. The media masterfully perpetuates an absurd mixed message, glorifying the woman who acts so totally chill and just LOOOVES eating carbs, and yet is constantly pulling up the waistband of her roomy size zero jeans, equating slimness with chillness and worthiness. I have lots to say about this ridiculousness, but I will have to save my rant for another time to stay on topic.

My point is, Whitney doesn’t fall for the BS of mixed messages and she actually talks about the monster life-sucker that is the “quest for physical perfection.” She calls herself out for sometimes buying into a disempowering cultural norm, and gives us all a reality check in the process. Her overall message is that it’s not only allowed, but truly vital for us all to meet our own basic human needs for food, water, love, and self-respect.

Speaking of basic human needs, Whitney also gives a shout-out to “inner-child work,” which is an element of therapy that can be so powerful in developing self-esteem. Basically, the premise is that humans actually age like trees. Remember how they taught us in school about how to tell how old a tree is? When you cut the trunk horizontally, you can see all of the “rings” in its cross-section. Each ring grows around the one within it as the tree ages. We’re like trees; every age contains every previous age within it. If we go down really deep, we’re all housing an inner five-year-old. When there’s a control-type issue (addiction, eating, OCD, perfectionism), it can often be traced to unmet childhood needs, so the inner child is still scrambling to get “adult you’s” attention.

In Whitney’s case, she learned to deny her needs from a young age, so as an adult she only felt in control if she was denying her needs. She learned that this was the only way to be worthy of love and belonging. For example, food is a basic need. Believing it is “bad” or “wrong” to eat is not only self-destructive, it’s downright mean. When she learned to “re-parent” her inner five-year-old, she was able to live more wholly and let go of old insecurities. That’s why I love this framework: most people can get on board with the fact that it’s pretty atrocious to act like an asshole towards a five-year-old. When you start to see that’s what you’ve been doing by self-punishing (forcing yourself to exercise, cursing yourself for eating the extra slice of pizza, forcing yourself to stay at the office till 11pm instead of getting much-needed sleep) you’re more inclined to soften up. A five-year-old doesn’t care about her weight; she just wants to enjoy life. She doesn’t care about your promotion at work; she just wants you to come home and play with her. We can all benefit from the reminder that we’ve each got a little kid living inside of us, just looking for love and acceptance, so we don’t need to be so damn hard on ourselves or each other.

One area left me wanting more: I still have so many questions about the specifics of her childhood. If she had chosen to share more details about what went down in her early childhood, it could have given the reader a richer picture of how her core beliefs were shaped. However, at the end of the day, my insatiable curiosity about the human condition aside, she certainly exposed insecurities and fears that most of us lack the courage to reveal, so I can’t blame her for choosing to gloss over some details. She gave us enough info to connect the dots, and I respect her decision to not be a completely open book. Yeah, pun intended, I couldn’t resist 🙂

I often struggle as a relatively young psychologist with “imposter syndrome,” fantasizing about the day when I’ll feel like an “expert.” Stories like Whitney’s remind me that I actually hope the opposite is true. I hope I never wake up one day thinking I know exactly how to handle things. That would feel robotic. I’m human and therefore I’m a messy work in progress. I struggle to practice what I preach. I get whispers from the demons in my head. I get caught up thinking I need to be “fine,” and thinking it’s my job to make other people “fine” as well, which it’s obviously not. Insecurity and self-doubt are all just part of the deal, and that’s okay.

“I’m Fine” is a hilarious and raw reminder that life gets ten billion times more rewarding when you stop pretending to be fine. I hope this book will serve as an example of the awesomeness that can come from authenticity, owning your shit, and opening up about mental health struggles. If you read it and want to share your reactions, please feel free to do so in the comments below! Oh, and if this book made you realize you’re not “fine” or it inspired you to seek therapy, I’m here for that, too.

Am I “Normal?”

One of the most common questions I’m asked by therapy and testing clients is “Am I normal?” It’s a fair question, and it makes sense that some people view psychologists as the people trained to give a solid answer. After all, one of the core educational requirements of anyone seeking a graduate degree in psychology is a course in “Abnormal Psychology.” It can certainly be fascinating to learn about “outliers” in any human trait—intelligence, athleticism, narcissism, and so forth. Plus, in order to accurately assess and diagnose, we need a framework for organizing whatever it is we are assessing and diagnosing. As such, the foundation of our field for the last century has been rooted in “mental illness” being just that—a diagnosis or label, assigned to people whose presentations are “not normal.” So I get why this is the burning question.

“Normal” in 2017 is more elusive than ever. With technology at our fingertips, we ask Google, Wikipedia, and WebMD to weigh in. Social media has perhaps been most influential, taking the “am I normal?” question and providing “answers” by showing us what “everyone else” is doing with their lives. What does a “normal” body look like? A “normal” family? A “normal” person’s Saturday night? Consult social media, where you can decide if you measure up to the curated online images of people popping up in your newsfeed. For some people, it’s easy to feel lame and unsuccessful when it’s “normal” to censor ourselves and only show the public the highlights reel. For others, it’s a constant competition to set the new standard. I wonder what would change if everyone knew how much everyone else was asking whether “it’s normal to [fill in the blank]?” Maybe we’d have more tolerance for the full spectrum of our daily experiences if we could accept that “normal” doesn’t exist.

Perceptions, thoughts, feelings, sensations, and memories are subjective. They are often driven by context and filtered through the lenses we’ve developed through life experience. So what’s “normal” in one context may not be seen as normal in another. Walking down the sidewalk with one’s nose to the ground, sniffing for discarded food scraps = unusual for a human, “normal” for a dog. Sucking one’s thumb = unusual for a 45-year-old, “normal” for a 2-year-old. However, context isn’t always as clear as one’s species or age. Is it “cautious and smart” to lock and then double-check the locks on your doors and windows at night, or is it “paranoid and obsessive” to do so? It depends.

It’s “normal” (natural?) to be curious about whether our experiences and behaviors can be considered appropriate, acceptable, or healthy. But who is the authority on what is considered appropriate, acceptable, or healthy? Psychologists? We’re people too! I’m not the authority on “normal” just because I can tell you if you match up to an agreed-upon set of criteria published in a scientific manual. The reality is that you are the authority on yourself, so only you can answer whether your experience is adaptive or not.

For example, anxiety is “normal.” In fact, it’s a human necessity. It keeps us alert to danger and motivated to complete tasks. Without any anxiety, we have no urgency to get anything done. With too much anxiety, however, we become too overwhelmed to be productive. Finding that “sweet spot” of optimal anxiety for optimal performance on top of the inverted “U” illustrated by the Yerkes-Dodson Law  is the key to success. That sweet spot, however, is subjective to the individual experiencing it.

Current research shows that mental “illness” might be more of the “norm” than the outlier. The Dunedin Study in New Zealand has followed over 1,000 people from birth and over the course of their lives for the past 40 years, assessing them every few years to look at various health and mental health conditions. The most recent “check in” with study participants took place when they were 38-years-old. So far, only 17 percent of the sample has never met any criteria for a psychiatric disorder at any time in the study’s assessment points. This means that at some point in your life, it is likely that you meet criteria for a psychiatric diagnosis (most commonly something like depression, anxiety, an adjustment disorder, or substance abuse). While of course no single study can be generalized to reflect the whole world’s population, it gives us some pretty solid data.

Given these findings, we could argue that it’s “normal” to experience depression at some point in one’s life, just like it’s “normal” to get the flu or break a bone at some point in life. Whether your symptoms warrant treatment depends on how the symptoms are interfering with your life. Everything falls on a spectrum; just as there is a difference between bumping your head and bumping your head with such force that it’s deemed a concussion, there is a difference between feeling a flash of anxiety before a big presentation and feeling such debilitating anxiety that you cannot speak.

The newest version of the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM5), which mental health professionals use for making clinical diagnoses, has shifted towards a more dimensional approach that matches this concept of everything falling along a spectrum. Hopefully, in future editions, it will move even further away from categorizing people as “normal” vs. “abnormal” and help us remove the stigma from these diagnoses, especially since most diagnoses can be temporary. So is it “normal” to struggle at some point, and to have symptoms intense enough to meet criteria for a diagnosis? Absolutely. It’s part of being human.

Maybe we can let go of the need to know if we are “normal” and instead ask ourselves, “does this work for me?” or “is being this way helping me live a meaningful life?” When I first meet with someone seeking therapy, I ask them the “miracle question,” some variation of the following: “If I waved a magic wand and you walked out of here today completely cured of your [depression, anxiety, painful trauma memories, addiction, etc.], what would be different about your life? What would you be able to do?” Usually, the answer has something to do with more meaningful relationships with loved ones, a rewarding job, more energy, etc. Those answers become our treatment goals. If you’re able to move towards your values, the things that truly matter to you, then isn’t that more important than knowing if you’re “normal” by someone else’s standards?

New Year, Same Fear (Part 1)

It’s 2016! When did this even happen? Time seems to pass at weird rates.

How often have you asked someone about their day at work, and they replied, “Ugh, it was so LONG” or have you been asked about a trip and you responded, “it went by so FAST”?   The passing of time can feel excruciatingly slow or dizzyingly fast, depending on a million other internal and external factors.

Not to go all Literal Lucy here, but time actually moves at the same rate, no matter what. A minute is always sixty seconds. The reality is that this is 100% our perception and experience of time.

If we can recognize that the passing of time is only quickened or slowed down by our perceptions of it, we become better equipped for living fully in each moment. Time doesn’t have to be this slippery, elusive element that never seems to do what we want it to; time simply passes, and we can watch it, ignore it, lament what could have been, anticipate what is to come, or, trickiest of all, simply live in it.

What makes us wish time slowed down (or stopped) during the joyful moments is the same thing that makes us wish it sped up when our day feels sucky. It’s the phenomenon referred to in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as experiential avoidance or control, which is the attempt to control or alter the form, frequency, or situational sensitivity of internal experiences, such as thoughts, feelings, sensations, or memories, even when doing so causes us behavioral harm (Hayes, Wilson, Gifford, Follette, & Strosahl, 1996).

Okay, I’ll chill on the psych jargon and give it to you straight. Basically, we use all kinds of conscious and unconscious strategies to try to avoid, suppress, or ignore the things that we don’t enjoy (the long line at the supermarket, the obnoxious sound your partner makes when he chews his cereal, the throbbing pain of a sinus headache, the painful memories of a traumatic experience, the feeling of grief when we lose a loved one, the feeling of rejection when we get dumped). When we perceive something as crappy, we want to make it STOP or GO AWAY. On the other hand, we do the opposite and try to cling to, prolong, or drag out the things that give us pleasure (vacations, eating cake, having an orgasm, getting a good night’s sleep, feeling important or special when we get a promotion at work, feeling loved when our children climb into our laps with a book).

For example, try to recall a time you have felt a positive feeling (such as pleasure or delight) and an experience that went along with it. For me, an easy example is when I’m eating a delicious ice cream sundae on a hot summer afternoon. With my first decadent bite, I can count on a slew of enjoyable feelings and internal experiences to pop up. I’ll think the thought, “this is delicious!” accompanied by my mouth watering when I taste the refreshing sensation of cold, creamy sweetness. Then… the moment I have these enjoyable experiences, my body and brain automatically go into experiential control efforts. No more than a few bites in, I may start to think, “I wish this bowl was bigger.” I start trying to eat very slowly and make it last longer, or I think about what else I can get to satisfy my insatiable sweet tooth after I finish. Sometimes I feel guilty over my indulgence, or I feel annoyed that it’s melting faster than I want to eat it. All at once, my experience of pleasure becomes tainted by my own reactions, my “control agenda” and the effort to hold onto ice-cream-induced pleasure forever and ever.

The same goes for avoidance efforts. Addiction often develops because of experiential avoidance. For example, a 35-year-old man feels self-conscious when socializing in groups, but he works in an office culture where the expectation is to attend work-related social functions. He finds that after a few drinks, his nerves are calmed and his anxiety is dulled. He starts to rely on this strategy more and more, to take the edge off. Over time, this behavior gets reinforced. He learns that when he drinks, the unpleasant feelings go away. His body builds tolerance to alcohol, and he must drink more and more to get the same effects. When he sobers up, he feels guilty and ashamed, on top of the anxiety he already was feeling. He starts drinking before work in the mornings, trying to prevent the unpleasant feelings before they overwhelm him. It’s easy to see how the man’s efforts to control his feelings lead to his feelings controlling him, as his daily life becomes focused on “not feeling anxious.”

As Brene Brown mentions in her popular Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, we cannot selectively numb. We can’t choose to not feel anxiety ever, because anxiety is part of life. On a related note, we cannot selectively cling. We can’t choose to only feel joy all the time. Knowing this, it’s futile to tell someone (or to tell yourself) to “just stop thinking about it” or “perk up!” If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of these well-intentioned pieces of advice, you know how unhelpful they can feel. We don’t get to choose WHAT our thoughts, feelings, and internal experiences are. What we can choose is HOW WE RELATE to those experiences. We have a choice in how much attention we give to the thoughts, emotions, memories, and sensations that we experience, and how much we allow them to dictate our behaviors and control our daily lives.

Next time you feel like time is slipping through your fingers, or find yourself impatiently watching the clock, see if you can turn inward and tune into what else you’re feeling, not just what’s driving a sense of urgency.  And then, see if you can let go of the urgency and connect to the experience itself.  If you’re not sure how to do this, you’re not alone. It’s much easier said than done.

Stay tuned for a sequel to this post in the next few days, and as always, feel free to contact me for help or support.

 

Wishing everyone a warm and healthy new year!

If you had a weird rash, you’d go see a dermatologist… right?!

I feel such a mixture of puzzlement and sadness whenever I think about our country’s minimization of mental healthcare.  It’s funny (but no one’s really laughing here…) because so many of us are self-proclaimed “health nuts” who value wellness and want to live happy, fulfilling lives.  However, the reality is that many people, somewhere along the way (probably early in life), learned that when you feel a certain type of way, you “should” be able to change it or simply will yourself to feel differently.  And if you aren’t able to do that, you must not be “strong enough,” right? If you can’t just flip the figurative “switch” in your own brain and motivate yourself out of a difficult emotion, something is “wrong” with you, according to this belief system.  We therapists are here to remind people how warped and self-destructive that view can be. Let me explain…

When someone has a heart disease, you don’t say to them, “just stop having heart disease!” If you did, they’d either call your bullshit or, if they were a little more trusting initially, they’d sure find out pretty quickly that your advice is bogus! Without a real understanding of the healthy lifestyle choices and behavior changes necessary to improve cardiovascular health, a person cannot heal.  That’s why cardiologists exist. Sometimes, something more is required, maybe a medication or medical intervention.  Without the open-mindedness to see that something needs changing and the willingness to do what it takes to change it, we cannot heal.

Of course, we like to convince ourselves otherwise because change is uncomfortable.  But the discomfort of facing the pain is usually nothing compared to the fancy mental tricks we play on ourselves to try to avoid facing the pain. I’ll be writing more about this in a future post, on the ACT concept called “experiential avoidance,” but it pretty much goes like this: If I have a toothache and I don’t go to the dentist because I’m afraid of the pain that might come with the drill, I’ll have a toothache indefinitely… and it probably will end up getting worse and causing more problems down the road. Plus, on top of having the tooth pain, I’ll also have the fears and worries that come along with ignoring it. So not only have I not “solved” the problem of my toothache, I have also made the problem a bigger and more central part of my daily life.

Pretending something doesn’t exist has never worked out when it comes to our health, whether physical, mental, or spiritual. Let’s make it okay to seek treatment.

The Mental Health Association of Greater Chicago (MHAGC) is an organization that basically counteracts the logic of “just get over it” by raising awareness of mental health conditions and working to decrease stigma.  I think what’s coolest about MHAGC is that they intervene early with 9th graders to help educate them on mental health at the same time they are learning about physical health in school. I hope this will help reduce bullying in high schools by making kids more sensitive to mental health issues.  I also believe learning about conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders can teach kids to recognize when they themselves might be struggling, and make it okay to seek help.  MHAGC’s first-annual “Breakfast with the Stars” will be held on Wednesday, November 11, 2015, Veteran’s Day.  To learn more about their powerful initiatives, or make a donation, visit http://www.mentalhealthchicago.org/mhagc/

Don’t you wish you had learned as a child that it’s normal and human to experience emotional pain, and that if it becomes overwhelming, you don’t have to go through the pain alone? I know I do.

If you are struggling or if someone you know is struggling, please visit the pages on this website to learn more about my practice and who I treat.